Wanting a partner that is “funny” just doesn’t really cut it anymore

Let’s face it, we all want the funny boyfriend/girlfriend. If you approach anyone on the street and ask them, “What’s do you look for in a mate?” You’ll most likely hear a sense of humor over and over. But humor is incredibly subjective— what’s “funny” is different to each individual. It feels awfully broad and overgeneralized. What exactly does having a funny partner mean, and does having a sense of humor strengthen the relationship or hurt it?

According to Jeffrey Hall, University of Kansas associate professor of communication studies, what you and your partner find funny is more important than a partner who can crack a joke on command. In the article “Humor in Romantic Relationships, a Meta-Analysis,” Hall analyzed over 39 studies, looking at over 15,000 participants over a span of 30 years.

Sharing a laugh is the sweetest romance

When talking about his research to KU News, Hall states it’s more important to share a sense of humor rather than date a comedian. So, if you find baby goats to be the funniest thing in the world, it’s probably best to find someone who also enjoys lil’ goats jumping around. This isn’t saying that some senses of humor are better than others, but that sharing a sense of humor with a partner is a sign of a happy, healthy and long-lasting relationship. Also, goats.

Another important factor for a happy and funny relationship is playfulness. A playful person is essentially a funny person. Hall found that playfulness in a relationship is essential to bonding with your partner and establishing security in the relationship. Seems obvious, but puppy love is a real thing. So, next time your partner is being playful in the kitchen or during a game of darts, embrace the moment and play back.

Humor in a relationship is less about being funny and more about sharing a sense of humor together. You might not be considered conventionally funny but if you find yourself and bae cracking up together at the silliest things, then that’s what matters. You could both be laughing at the movie, “The Naked Gun” or how everyone says the word, focaccia wrong, but the important thing is that you’re sharing what you find funny together.

Never make your partner the butt of a joke

Hall does caution against cruel senses of humor, however. If you are constantly making your partner the butt of the joke or vice versa, your relationship may suffer. If your partner has some quirky qualities, celebrate them instead of degrade them. Embrace what makes you both unique, and be careful to not tease your partner about something he or she doesn’t find funny or fuels insecurity.

Bottom line: find a partner who shares the same sense of humor as you, try not to tease each other in a hurtful way, and embrace what makes you both giggle while falling deeper in love with each laugh.