photo cred: Workaholics
The one-week celebrity experiments are taking the world by storm. Kylie Jenner's beauty routine and Kim Kardashian’s diet are the rage in journalism, so I wanted to hop on the band wagon and try a similar approach but with the skinny feline outside my dumpster. She's frisky, dirty and has that ‘90s grunge look I’ve never been able to pull off. I lived like her for one week and here's how it changed my life.
Diet:
I really stopped eating any food that wasn’t in a garbage can, left on the street, or in a restaurant dumpster. This made my choices for nutrition and overall taste extremely limited. It also opened my eyes to the world we live in and how much food we don’t need! Culture has ruined our tastebuds. We don’t need fancy cheese and aged wine. Did you know apple cores, stale crackers and peanut shells are all we really need to survive? I didn’t either, but my waistline thanked me. I finally lost that freshman 15 from six year ago. My complexion and overall irritability was at an all time low but it really helped me get into the headspace of my feline dumpster diver.
Hygiene:
I also stopped partaking in the human rituals of basic hygiene. No more time wasted on brushing my hair, bathing, oral hygiene or washing my face. It’s crazy how much time we really waste on society’s demands for looking so fresh and so clean, clean. I rejected all of society’s demands on women and instead ate out of the dumpster and got that Kate-Moss-dating-Johnny-Depp-circa-1994 look I was really going for.
Emotional Stability:
I became totally anxious and a huge bitch for the week. The anxious part is nothing new, but I really exuded the nervousness and twitchy body language of my feline muse. She was skittish and ran away at human interaction, I did the same thing. This caused a rift in my relationship and a potential job loss, but I’m a method writer and lived the life of my subject for a week. For great art you have to make great sacrifices.
Overall Satisfaction:
How would I rate my experience? Totally worth it!! I lost a ton of weight and despite getting scabies and scurvy, I really found my ‘90s grunge signature look. Sure, I lost my job and my boyfriend, but I did gain dark circles under my eyes, hollowed-out cheekbones and the trendy anxiety symptoms every 20 something has these days. I avoid human interaction completely now, but at least now I can rebrand myself and my Instagram presence.
I want to thank my mangy dumpster cat for changing my life and my look. I also want to thank the UPS delivery guy for my new home.